Children always say they are afraid of the dark and ghosts. Parents do this as the standard answer
A parent once shared a video online.
In the video, the mother asked her daughter to go to the guest room to see if the light in the room had been forgotten to be turned off. The door of the guest room was closed. When the little girl arrived at the door of the guest room, she first lay on the ground with her face sideways, and looked through the crack of the guest room door to see if there was any light in the room. After confirming that the light was not turned off, the little girl had to get up and open the room door to turn off the light. After turning off the lights, the girl turned around and trotted, accidentally hitting the door frame.
According to the parents, the little girl was afraid of the dark since she was a child. The reason why she turned off the lights and ran out immediately was because she was afraid of the dark. Parents always want to guide intentionally, but the little girl is still afraid of the dark.
Many netizens commented below the video, saying that they were like this when they were young.
Indeed, whether it is now or decades ago, we will find that most children are afraid of the dark and ghosts.
Foreign child development psychologists have done a survey of children's fear of the dark. It was found that 73.3% of children between the ages of 4 and 12 are afraid of the dark. But when the child entered puberty, the fear of the dark rate dropped to 48.8%.
Why Are Most Children Afraid Of The Dark?
There are three common reasons why children are afraid of the dark.
The first is intimidation and threats from parents.
When some parents are disobedient to their children, they often try to make their children behave by frightening them. For example, if the child does not sleep well, some parents will threaten the child: "If you don't sleep again, the devil will come and take you away."
This approach may seem to be working right now. But it will leave a shadow of fear to the child's psychology and cause psychological damage. Especially at night, children will not dare to face the dark phenomenon.
The second is the influence of external stimuli.
This kind of external stimulation means that children see some ghosts, ghosts, or other frightening images or pictures through TV, Internet and other channels during the day.
Usually these frightening images or pictures describe the time at night. Therefore, it is easy for children to associate the night with ghosts and ghosts.
The third type, pan-spiritual psychology.
Psychologist Piaget once proposed a concept of animistic psychology. He found that in childhood, children often like to see all things as alive. This kind of psychological phenomenon is called panpsychism.
Therefore, we will find that at night, as long as there is a little disturbance, the child will be very nervous and afraid. Because they will imagine some ordinary things as terrible monsters.
When children say they are afraid of the dark and ghosts, what are the wrong ways for parents to respond?
There are two common mistakes parents make When children say they are afraid of the dark and ghosts
The first is to blame the child and deny the child's feelings
Some parents, when they hear their children say they are afraid of the dark and ghosts, often blame their children directly: "Nonsense! There are no ghosts in the world. Don't be so timid, there is nothing to be afraid of!"
Just imagine, if you are afraid of cockroaches, you will panic when you see cockroaches. At this time, your husband said to you, "What's there to be afraid of? You are still an adult." At this time, will you become less afraid because of what your husband said? Obviously not.
In the same way, this coping style will not help the child overcome his inner fear, but will hurt the child's self-esteem and make him feel that he is so useless.
The second, overprotection, helps children avoid facing the dark.
The opposite of parents who blame and laugh at their children are parents who are overly protective of their children. When they see that their children are afraid of the dark, what these parents do is to help their children avoid the feared object or environment. For example, if the child is afraid of the dark, they let the child sleep with the light on.
Excessive protection does not eliminate the child's fear, but helps the child temporarily escape the fear. But after all, parents can't protect their children all the time. When the children suddenly have to face it alone one day, the children will be even more at a loss.
So, what should parents do when their children say they are afraid of the dark and ghosts?
Parents can guide their children through the following three steps.
First, listen carefully and accept your child's fears.
When the child runs over and tells you that he is afraid of the dark and ghosts, we can hug him first. At the same time, say to the child: "Mom knows that the baby is afraid now, and the mother is here."
The child is really afraid at the moment. If even his most trusted parents deny his feelings at this time, the child will have ambivalence. On the one hand, he feels that he should not be afraid, and on the other hand, he is truly afraid. make children more helpless.
After the child has calmed down, parents can say to the child: "What made the baby feel afraid? Can you tell the mother?" If the child says that he is afraid of the dark, then we can tell the child: "Actually, the mother was also very worried when she was a child. Afraid of the dark."
Then, we can share our own experiences with the children, so that the children understand that it is normal to be afraid of the dark. At the same time, we can talk to the children about how we or the people around us overcome their fears when they encounter them.
For example, in the past, there was a rumor in the countryside that there would be "ghost fires" on winter nights. Everyone was so scared that they dared not go out at night. But later, scientists discovered that this "ghost fire" is actually the spontaneous combustion of phosphorus in the air, and has nothing to do with ghosts.
Through stories, children can understand that people are afraid because of the fear of the unknown. Whether it's an adult or a child, it's normal to be afraid of something or something.
Finally, parents can take their children to explore the truth and use reality to eliminate fear.
For example, if the child says there is a ghost in the room, the parent can lead the child to the room to find it. And ask the child where the ghost is in the room, we can confirm with him one by one.
At first, your child may ask you to check with him again and again. It doesn't matter, the child needs a few times, you follow to confirm a few times. Typically, the number of times your child asks you to confirm will decrease daily.
At this time, parents must not be too troublesome to do it. Because doing so can not only let the child know that the parents trust him very much, and are also very willing to help him. This can help children build a full sense of security and make them more courageous to face and explore the unknown world.